I came across a wonderful website, fatherhood.org, that I wanted to share with you. If you’re a dad or know a dad I suggest that you share this with them, let them check it out and decide what to do with it themselves.
What I learned today about being a father:
I took off work two hours earlier than I normally would. I wasn’t being productive, thinking about a new idea I came up with rather than doing the work that was in front of me that needs to get done, even if it doesn’t need to get done today. That’s one of my major flaws, my mind races in different directions, seeing things that aren’t there and wondering how I can get them there. My new creation has me researching vitamins and energy supplements and how they interact with the chemical balance of juice. I’d go into detail for you, but I just spent the last 20 minutes writing about it before I realized how boring my description is, so I’ll move on instead.
Anyhow, I thought about going home but I didn’t. I was missing my family, but I have realized that at home I can’t get any work done at all. So, I went to the library instead. I know, not a cool move by daddy, but for two hours I was able to research in peace, no phones ringing at work, no mama needing daddy at home.
When I came home Jackie was on her way out. She was frustrated, Griffin had been fussy all day. And when I told her I left work early to do some research I saw a defeated look in her eyes, the longness of her face being pulled further into the ground. She didn’t say anything at first, kind of shrugged it off, and continued to tell me about her day.
What I think I know:
Wrong. Everything about being daddy over the last 24 days told me that what I was doing was completely wrong. It wasn’t wrong because I left work early, every thing was covered and the work that needed to get finished did, but it was because I used being daddy as an excuse to sneak away for a few hours to do the things that I love do, attempt at being creative.
She thinks I take up enough time with this blog, doesn’t understand why I do it or why I anyone would read it. I can’t explain it to her, but the reason she fell in love with me was because I aspired to be a writer. She liked my creativity, my inspiration from life events that gives me ideas to better our future, to create some thing or write some thing that changes the way one person, just one, looks at the world. I have always wanted to do that, but being daddy is what I’ve done to change a life.
She didn’t have to tell me she was tired, or that she was disappointed that I didn’t come home when I left work. She didn’t need to, rather she just went about what she was doing. On her way out she looked at me and simply said she was proud of me.
And being me, I didn’t get it. I still don’t. Jackie, my wonderful wife, knows me well enough to support my ideas, whether they are crazy, intangible, out of the ordinary or just plain weird. Being daddy has created a different future for us, a new path that hasn’t been written or paved and who knows, maybe future daddy’s ideas will be the ones to change the world.
But in the meantime I need to just focus on being daddy today. Future daddying depends on it.
The blogosphere is full of creative people who have creative ideas and unique perspectives. How do you balance your creative side while being the best parent that you can be?