Griffin is starting to smile, a lot. He has finally overcome that newborn frown, the grimace of both pleasure and pain, sleep, and utter dismay. His eyes are starting to lighten up, turning from a deep, metallic blue to a lighter, more southern-Pacific 25-ft wave type blue with eyes so big they are mesmerizing. He controls a room better than any executive speaker I’ve had the pleasure of listening to, only that Griffin has much less to say.
What I learned today about being a father:
This may be the new high-point in fatherdom. There have been so many ups since Griffin’s birth that I didn’t know how much further it could go but from my current experience this may be it.
I’m told that there comes a point, around six to eight weeks, when child begins to smile and giggle and begins to understand (how they can tell this, I’m not sure). Jackie and I have overcome the obstacles of new parents and have gotten to this point where now, more than ever, neither of us wants to put him down. He is changing so quickly, growing so fast, getting heavy and long, and his facial expressions are becoming more deliberate making every time he smiles that much more special.
Mama has come a long way and worked to make sure that Grif has had everything he needs, and now, she said, he’s starting to give back.
What I think I know:
Nothing can prepare you for that look in your child’s eyes when you feel, no, you know that they are seeing you. Before I could have sworn up and down that I recognized the connection, but yesterday it was oh-so apparent that there was no questioning that he was smiling at me. My heart sank, and I nearly broke into tears today telling a co-worker about it.
I’m a softy, what can I say.
Jackie was happy, too. And now I feel like I finally can have a conversation with my son about all the things that are on my mind. It’s interesting what comes out of our mouths as parents, we start talking in the third person, calling ourselves “daddy” and “mommy” explaining to our 6-week old our day or what it is we are doing right at this moment; “Daddy’s going to take a shower”, “Do you want to help daddy cook?” And then answering for them, “Of course you do. Of course my big boy wants to help daddy with dinner.”
What I realized yesterday is that he is listening, with an intensity I can’t recall having ever in my life. Not during my education, my college career, or my professional career. His eyes are a gaze, staring directly into mine, and he reacts to the different pitches of my voice. He scowles when I try to sing to him, questions when I am humming along to his children’s music, and gives deep, exhausted breathes when I try to tell him my stories. But when I talk, just to talk and ask him about his day or have a conversation with mama, he hangs on every word.
I know this is what bringing up child is all about, and I can’t but help want more of it. Being daddy I watch myself, my actions, my words, just about everything I do, because now some body is actually paying attention. This is how my child is making me better, and when I thank him for it he gives me a smile, a wink, and an “atta boy!”, just for good measure.