My wife, Jackie, turned 29 years-young 10 days exactly after our son was born. We celebrated in good fashion with her friends and family making the trip in from out of town and her parents holding the party at their house. Our small two-bedroom can not accomodate all the people, plus there would be limited amount of place that mama could take baby to nurse.
We arrived fashionably late, last, actually, and Jackie justified this by taking the stance that now we have a new baby and are allowed 15 additional late minutes on our typical 30 late minutes she uses to get herself ready. I was ready by 10AM for the 12:30PM party and took care of baby until mama got ready. As she took baby from me she looked at my bare feet, “Now who’s running late?”, she said, with jaw dropping simplicity and seriousness that nearly set me on fire. Some things never change.
What I learned today about being a father:
Celebrations are great, but celebrating with your loved ones is even better. We have been super lucky that her family members have made the extra effort to come in and see baby and celebrate her birthday with us over this last weekend because in life family matters.
As a young boy my family, cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, did just about everything together. We went on summer trips together, saw baseball games together, spent Sundays at grandma and grandpa’s house. We lived like a community, and every weekend we stayed with our cousins or they stayed with us or we all stayed at G&G’s (grandma & grandpa’s) because our parents believed spending time with family was important. This weekend was an eye opener, a realization that as a young adult through my early thirties I lost sight of the important roles are families play in raising us as individuals. My son won’t remember anything from this weekend, but it was great for Jackie and I to relive the simpliest childhood moments from our past that helped shape who we both are, and those moments we talked about all weekend all had to do with family.
What I think I know:
For my family to come to Madison, WI, they would have to travel from Omaha, NE; about eight hours by road one way and hard to get to through the air, so they have yet to meet baby. Though they couldn’t be here with us, technology has shortened the distance gap and allowed us to connect on a totally virutal level. My parents, both ripe for their ages, are not technically savy but have mastered the art of Skype. They love it, actually introduced it to me last year as a way to communicate face to face, and it’s been fantastic! I come from a large family and we are somewhat spread out over the midwest, but by Skyping I have been able to introduce baby Griffin (child) to his aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents via technology. I have spoken to my family more often in the last 12 days then I had in the previous 60, and now that I think I have mastered Skyping I know there are more face to face interactions to come.
Griffin probably can’t even see everyone through the computer screen, but for me and Jackie we have been able to stay connected, one way or another, with family. They say it takes a village, but what I think I know is the saying doesn’t mean the village has to do, it just means the village has to be, and we are lucky enough to be able to surround child with a village no matter the distance.
We walked today, for the first time in baby’s life. Well, mama and I walked, baby rode, and dog (Archie, pictured left) strutted in tow. It was a top 10 day in Madison, WI, easily one of the best over my five-plus years of living here. We made it half way up the block before baby fussed, scaring mom into a frenzy of what-could-be-wrongs and maybe-this-or-that suggestions that I couldn’t quite comprehend in the manner they were being shot out of her mouth at me. I tried my best to listen and agree, but in the end mama didn’t acknowledge with the idea that baby did not need sun, but that fresh air is good for his lungs and brain. We walked up the hill first, then scurried down it, and back into our little two-bedroom where mama saved baby from whatever it was that ailed him…which was probably my whistling while I walk.
What I learned today about being a father:
My darling wife was in charge of all things baby related when it came to registering for gifts. She overindulged on things, and half of the stuff that fills our apartment don’t make practical sense to own. But one thing she got right was baby’s stroller. I don’t like to name drop, but mama high-rolled on a Britax B-Agile Stroller plus carrier, the high end type of bad-assness stroller that you don’t even expect to get as a baby gift, but ba-bam! She scored!
Anyhow, this thing turns on a dime, rides on the bike path like a cruise liner through open waters and provides excellent pushing sensations that make one want to walk with child…but I only know this because mama keeps telling me. It was a simple lesson today, but a heart dropping one as well. I learned how fold the stroller up, carry it by it’s provided handle to the landing spot outside our apartment, and then unfold back into it’s upright position. Mama handed me Archie’s leash, thanked me for getting the stroller ready, and set sail for a walk that would end up disappointing everyone involved.
What I think I know:
Honestly, there is so much to say about what I think I know that I could go on and on about the state of the world, the workings of mobile magicians, and how every act is in and of itself purposeful no matter how small the act, but I don’t know squat about mamas and babies. I try to understand and listen to the reason that is mama, but babies cry, sometimes, to test us. Today baby cried, and mama, like many mamas do, got scared. She blah-blah-blahed me about all the things that could be going on with baby and convinced me (not rationally, but by turning towards home and leaving me holding Archie) that baby needed to get back inside. She rushed me, “come on, come on” and waved me along only because I had the keys. I unlocked the front door, her grabbing baby and keys and leaving the heavy lifting to me.
We never went back out on that walk like she said we would, so I went running instead. But now my back hurts, and I equate the partial walk, the quick turns and twists to get back inside while navigating Archie backwards-forwards and the constant folding/lifting/unfolding/setting down of said stroller/car seat combo for the blame. It’s the small acts of being daddy that have made my back hurt, but like so many new things in our life my wife made me realize family walks will happen. Being daddy means that I need jut need to bare with her and take it slowly before she’s completely comfortable, “One step at time,” she said.
And when she’s ready to let go, she promised she’d let me walk behind the stroller, too. One step at a time, that’s what being daddy is all about.